theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
