Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
