No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
