i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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