I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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