Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
