How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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