she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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