so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
