I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
