i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
