I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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