when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
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