Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
