yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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