party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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