Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
