You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
