Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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