Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You were trust falling into bushes
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
