We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
