I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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