I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
