Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
