Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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