we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
