he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
