I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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