some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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