And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
In America we eat man semen.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
