I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
