There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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