we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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