Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
