whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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