Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
