She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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