I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
