Need sex. Gaining weight.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
