i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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