We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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