I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
