i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
