How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
