turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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