so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my liver is dry heaving
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
