I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
