No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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