How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
