You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
